Thursday, September 29, 2005

God Bless free money

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God Bless free money. Pacific Poker popped a sawbuck into my bank this week with NO restrictions. Just felt like Santa Claus or something. So I did what any self-respecting semi-compulsive gambler would do. I played.

I had forgotten what kind of cowboys played here, but I got the sense that liquor was being consumed around me when two people busted during the first orbit of the $4+.50 20-seater. It took about five minutes to gauge my spot at the table. Typically, I will lump people into three or four main categories.

  • Guys to bust – you might call them “calling stations”. If these guys are in the blinds, I will limp with good drawing hands, and raise big with premium hands. This way, if I hit a flop with a drawing hand, I can build my bets on the turn and river and try to take all their chips. This is important because SOMEONE is gonna get their chips and it might as well be me. I’ll raise 5xBB with a premium hand because they’ll likely call, and I know I have the better of it most of the time.

  • Guys to bleed – you might call them “tight-weak”. Steal their blinds with mediocre hands. Even if they call, they’ll fold to a continuation bet on any flop that doesn’t hit them between the eyes. With any luck, they’ll get frustrated by your stealing and try to crack back when you have a real hand.

  • Guys to avoid – you might call them “good”. Anyone who seems to vary their play should be avoided. Anyone who seems to understand position should be avoided. Unless you have a clear shot at flopping a monster (pocket pair or Ax sooted), these people should be avoided with any speculative hands.

  • I don’t mind “tricky dicks”. Most guys who like to slowplay are predictable. If you’re lucky, you’ll see them do it on someone else before they nail you. If they do it once, they’ll do it again. One other thing, to most of these wags, “slowplay” means “check-raise”. If they bet a small amount, they probably have a drawing hand or something like middle pair and they think they’re protecting it.

Anyway, I placed 3rd in this one to push my bankroll up to a whopping $16.50. The hand that hurt me was three-handed when I had the second nut flush and ran into the nuts. JTo with the jack of clubs and a flop of QT6 of clubs looked pretty good. The Kc on the turn gave me the second nut flush with OESF draw. I push, he THINKS and calls. Since Pacific still hasn’t figured out how to show the hands during an all-in, I didn’t see his Ace of clubs until 95% of my stack was slid in front of my opponent. Sheesh, I didn’t even get a chance to yell “ONE TIME!” trying to hit my one-outer.

FFL – I’m up against Performify this week. Yahoo’s point predictor has it roughly as a toss-up, but I think I have a clear advantage. He has Deion Branch, I have Tom Brady. If Deion scores, Tom scores. He has Priest Holmes and the Philly defense. If Priest scores, his defense suffers. Given these tradeoffs, I think I’ll roll him by double digits, especially if Reggie Wayne decides that it’s about effing time to score some points.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Midweek Blues

Y’know, whenever my discipline breaks down, I lose.  Period.  Instead of my normal one-per-night SnG routine, I played two yesterday.  I had the day off of work to attend to some family matters (they should write instruction books about putting a parent into a nursing home), got home around four, and promptly took third in an 18-seater (+$39).

Fine, nice profit, especially for less than a hour.  Call it a day, right?  Wrong.  I got bored in the evening and after watching House, promptly spit the bit (14th) in another SnG, slicing my profit in half.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I think I just have the brain capacity for one SnG per night.  It’s vital to stay within one’s mental sweet spot for maximum profitability.

The Giants’ season is basically over now.  Brett Tomko proved to be the Atlee Hammaker or Salomon Torres of this generation by gagging up the biggest game of the year in ignominious fashion.  Staked to a three-run bomb by Barry, he promptly hemorrhaged three runs right back.  When the Giants came back for two more runs, he handed them right back.  Right then, Felipe should have pulled him from the game, broken his hands, and stuffed him in the wheel well of the team plane. But no, there was still more gagging to be seen.  JT Snow butchered a Buckner-esque ground ball just prior to a season-crushing grand salami from Ramon Freakin’ Hernandez.  Sickening.

Football blurbs-

  • Bills at Saints (kinda) – I’m declaring a boycott on predicting the Saints this year.  There is too much emotional baggage on them and they’re too damn up and down for anyone to predict.  Oh, but what the hell, 27-17 Saints.

  • Lions at Tampa Bay – We’ll see if the Cadillac bandwagon gets any bigger once the Lions bandwagon empties out.  We now will see the value of picking a great running back vs. picking three very good receivers in the first round.  24-20 Bucs, but the Lions make a late run.

  • Colts at Titans – Suppose I told you last year that you’d see some Manning for Carson Palmer trades in fantasy football.  And I don’t mean Eli.  The Colt defense is the MVP this year, Steve McNair won’t finish this game.  27-10 Colts.

  • Chargers at Pats – Possible letdown game for the Pats after the Pittsburgh epic and Harrison injury.  Chargers are coming off a primetime massacre of the Gints.  Without Harrison to stack the line and shaky linebacker play, LT should catch ten balls.  Brady and Vinatieri are the two clutch-est players around.  Lots of scoring in this one, but it’ll be a late Dillon score that’ll win it…  34-27 Pats.

  • Broncos at Jags – Let’s see, blown out by the Dolphins, blow out the Chiefs.  Let’s just call the Broncos the craps roll team of this year.  Since they’re on the road this time, I’m betting they’re rolling snake eyes this time.  And Jimmy Smith has replaced Isaac Bruce as the “Is he still playing and catching 70 balls for 1000 yards” guy.  Jake will throw at least two picks.  Jags 23-13.

  • Texans at Bengals – Aha, a possible relaxation game for the Bengals.  A real test for Marvin to get his team up for an overmatched Texan team coming off a bye.  I’m staying on this horse until it throws me.  Bengals 31-10.

  • Seahawks at Redskins – Mike Holmgren should be learning the same lesson Marty Schottenheimer is learning.  If you have an elite RB, you run him.  Then you run him again.  Then you run him again.  Especially if your QB is Matt Hasslebeck.  And what’s with Joe Gibbs rolling out Counter Trey again?  Tough without the Hogs.  Seahawks 24-16.

  • Rams at Giants – Eff the Giants and their shitty defense.  If they hold LT to just two rushing TDs, I win my game.  If they hold him without a TD pass, I win.  If they just effing pay attention to the most productive RB in football the last two years, I win.  Eff them.  Rams 30-13.

  • J-E-T-S at Baltimore– No, this isn’t 1968.  No, this isn’t Namath against Unitas.  By adding the rotting corpse of Vinnie to this, it’s more like Namath of the Rams vs. Unitas of the Chargers.  The funny thing is that this game is a stinker on paper, but will probably be a close game, if only because both offenses are so inept.  16-13, give it to Stover.  Statistical prediction: Jamal Lewis will go over 100 yds, but it might take 30 carries.

  • Eagles at Chiefs – Interesting game.  The Chiefs at home against the banged-up Iggles.  All signs point to a high-scoring battle, so of course, I’m betting on a defensive struggle.  Eagles prevail, but barely as a last-minute drive comes up short.  20-16.

  • Cowboys at Raiders – Remember when these used to be the two glamour teams of the NFL?  Neither do they.  By the way, what do you think Randy Moss is saying in meetings after watching the Cowboys’ secondary get torched by stiffs like Santana Moss and Brandon Lloyd?  Raiders get off the schneid, and do it BIG 37-21.

  • Vikings at Falcons – Culpepper vs. Vick.  Don’t you think these guys owe something to the James Harris’s and Joe Gilliam’s and Doug Williams’s that preceded them?  You NEVER hear crap about the “black QB” anymore.  Too bad Timmy Chang didn’t make it.  You would’ve seen a rush on Asian QBs…  Or not.  Forget the QBs for a second.  Mike Tice = Dead Man Walking.  Falcons 26-20.

  • 49ers vs. Cards – Seriously, does anyone care about this?  Were you even aware that they’re gonna play in Mexico?  Why wouldn’t they just move the Saints game down here instead?  23-17, Niners.  The big loser is anyone who watches it.

  • Packers at Panthers – I may skip this one entirely.  John Madden will have Brett Favre’s dick so deeply embedded in his mouth, we won’t understand a word.  “There’s Brett Fa-mmmmpph.  A sure Hall-of-mmmmpph.  Greatest passer I’ve ever mmppph.  Toughest mmmpph”  They’re both washed-up hacks.  24-13 Panthers, but don’t discount the possibility of Favre throwing a fourth-quarter pick that can extend the final mmmm-mmph.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Online Fantasy Football is rigged!

Online Fantasy Football is rigged!

How else do you explain Scurvy sucking out a 347298 point outburst from LaDanian Tomlinson to overcome my 347290 point lead?  I hate the New York Giant defense with the fury of ten thousand white hot suns.  Asstards can’t put eight men in the box against the top RB in football?  I hope Eli leads you guys to about a dozen straight 4-12 seasons.

Also got sucked out (on the bubble, no less) in my Sunday RiverStars SnG.  Five left, me and one other guy are low stacks.  I limp with ATo, planning to push if I pair or see undercards.  He min-raises from BB, and I push right there.  He flips A9o and I’m liking my play.  Axx with two hearts doesn’t worry me.  After all, he still needs a nine to take it down.  A heart on the turn makes me blink.  I check again.  Nope, no heart for me, but his nine is a heart.  Minutes after I see that LT ripped my team’s heart out, my poker life is extinguished with literally runner-runner-runner-runner hearts.  Not good times.

On the plus side, the BASEBALL Giants are still alive and kicking.  Four back with four games against the Padres, now the Giants need that same runner quad-fecta to tie for the division lead.  Clearly, if Barry had played even one more month, the Giants would have rolled this division easily.  I won’t get too thrilled unless they win the first two.  If they lose either today or tomorrow, put a fork in them.


Well, aside from the LT debacle, my football predictions for the weekend were almost spot-on.  

Let me start with the best:

Prediction: Pats 23, Steelers 20.  RIGHT ON THE MONEY, right down to the prediction that Vinatieri would win it late on a field goal.

Prediction: Eagles 27, Oakland 20.  Actual: 23-20.  Had the Eagles run one more play before the Akers game-winner, I would’ve nailed this one too.  

Prediction: Jax by 6.  RIGHT ON THE MONEY.

Prediction: Rams 31, Titans 24.  Actual: Rams 31-27.

Prediction: Seattle 30, Cards 19.  Actual: Seahawks 37-12.  Take one TD from the Seahawks and give it to the Cards.  Why?  So I can be right, that’s why.  Nailed the total points.

Prediction: LT right, LT left, LT in the end zone.  I threw up in my mouth just now.

Big Misses:

Out of the entire schedule yesterday, three clear whiffs.

1.Prediction: Big game for the Indy offense.  Actual: 13 measly points.  Thank God I didn’t have the second pick in any of my drafts.  I would’ve taken Manning in a heartbeat (Peyton, not Eli), and it looks like defenses have caught onto his playcalling histrionics.  On the other hand, who knew that adding Corey Simon to a mediocre defense would suddenly make them the freakin’ 85 Bears?

2. Prediction: Carolina has a bad game, but beats an AWFUL Dolphin team.  Actual: Carolina has an OK game, and the Dolphins look impressive and win a nail-biter.  Well, Steve Smith had a great game, and the Dolphins just didn’t do anything stupid.  But who woulda thunk the Fish would be in first place?

3. Prediction: Saints over the Vikings 34-21.  Actual: Ooops, almost completely bass-ackwards, Vikes 33-16.  Maybe it’s time to admit that all this hubbub is completely mucking up the Saints this year.  Pity will only get you to the opening kickoff, and then you better be ready to play.  Jim Haslett is precisely the WRONG person to have in charge right now.  They need more of a Sam Wyche or Steve Mariucci type to help them through this.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Teammate of the Year

Teammate of the Year

In a year of horrific team spirit, exemplified by the Terrell Owens’ and Kobe Bryants of the world, we have a new clubhouse leader.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Rafael Palmeiro.

Let’s recap.  Raffy goes in front of Congress, points his finger on cue, denies he EVER used steroids, tests positive for the same steroids, appeals the pending suspension, gets his 3000th hit, loses his appeal, looks like a jackass when the story breaks, and promptly hits about .200 when he returns.  Oh, then he comes down with a mysterious ailment that shelves him for the year.  

Somewhere in the middle of all this, he had time to try to throw Miguel Tejada under the bus, much like Kobe Bryant tried to throw Shaq last year.  The difference here was that Kobe was just trying to deflect criticism of his raping/womanizing behavior by trying to point out someone else who was allegedly a womanizer and got away with it.  Raffy basically ACCUSED a teammate of doping him without his knowledge.  Now, the league says that they followed up on these accusations, checked out Tejada’s vitamin shoppe, and came up empty.  Raffy is now the MLB equivalent of a prison stoolie who accuses the wrong guy.  Good luck getting picked up by anyone now, you chickenshit ratfink.

Oh, and those ten votes you had for the Hall of Fame just went bye-bye.

Poker Update
  • 2nd last night for +$65.  Now I’m up almost $300 playing nothing but those damn 18-seat SnGs on RiverStars.  And I’ve only played about ten of them so I guess my ROI is pretty good.  Nothing memorable to report.  Played my ABC game while I kinda watched Survivor and CSI.  When it got to head-to-head, I was down 7-1 in chips, doubled up once, lost with QJ vs. A-rag when an ace flopped.  Had a nice 4-outer chance for Broadway, but didn’t get it.  

  • Major battle looming against SCURVY this weekend in the blogger league.  Might come down to seeing which of the Indy receivers breaks out (I have Reggie, he has Marvin).  The Brady/Delhomme matchup is the other one that will probably decide whether Scurvy stays unbeaten.  According to Yahoo, the early line has my team as a 4-pt favorite.  Sounds about right.

Quick predictions
  • Buffalo/Atlanta – I predict LOW ratings.  17-14.  Who cares who wins?

  • Cincinnati/Chicago – I was first on the Cincy offensive train.  I’m staying.  27-13.

  • Jax/NYJets – Johnny Hector and Freeman McNeil have been called back.  So has Ken O’Brien.  Jags 16-10.

  • Oakland/Philly – Moss and TO.  Battle of the Egos isn’t nearly as important as the Battle of the QBs.  Donovan > Kerry 27-20.

  • Tennessee/St Louis – BIG win for the Rams, but late TDs for the Titans to make the final score close.  31-24.

  • Carolina/Miami – Classic letdown game for Carolina, but the Fish aren’t good enough to capitalize.  23-13.

  • Claveland/Indy – Anyone else think that Peyton is tired from flying back and forth shuttling supplies?  Time for a loud statement from the offense 34-7.

  • New Orleans/Minnesota – Can Daunte have three bad games in row?  Ordinarily, I’d say “No”, but his receivers are Ahmad Rashad and Sammy White.  The Saints showed some weapons in the loss, they just showed more mistakes too.  34-21 Saints.

  • Tampa Bay/Green Bay – Bay of Pigs.  21-10 Tampa.  Brett is done.  Bring on Aaron!

  • Dallas/SF – Remember when this was the Game of the Year?  Now it’s just another stinker with the 7th broadcast team.  27-17 Pokes.  And I still hate them.

  • Arizona/Seattle – What happened to all those shitbrains who predicted a resurgence in the desert?  It’s Denny Green and Kurt Warner and it isn’t 1999.  They’re NOT GOOD.  30-19 Seahawks.

  • New England/Pittsburgh – Ahh, now this is the Game of the Year.  Or at least so far.  Can the Pats go 1-2?  Will the Sports Guy blow an aneurysm?  Yes, and I hope not.  Home crowd might have an effect.  I just get the feeling that it’s coming down to a kick and the Pats have the best clutch kicker ever.  23-20.

  • NY Giants/San Diego – Time for San Diego to put up or shut up.  LT left.  LT right.  LT up the middle.  LT in the endzone.  24-10.

  • Kansas City/Denver – If Jake Plummer makes no turnovers, Denver by 4.  Each turnover is +7 for Kansas City.  I say he makes two.  30-20 Chiefs.

Thursday, September 22, 2005


Lost (in more ways than one)

Dropped to 6th place in my (now) nightly 18-seater on RiverStars.  Was one of three shortstacks and got 77 in CO.  Pushed all-in with about 3.5 BB and was called by JT.  Flop AK2, turn 3, river Q for Broadway.  Sigh.  10 outs twice after the flop for him means it wasn’t really a bad beat, but it still sucked.  I have full confidence that I would’ve finished in the top three had I won that hand.  So, the payoff on that coinflip would’ve been 3.5-1.  Good implied odds on my side.

Lost premiere was pretty cool.  I still think they’re just making up shit week to week with no clue where they’re going at the end of the season.  The “quarantine” bomb shelter is completely fubar, especially since the French psycho-broad had supposed been on the island for fifteen years, and the guy living down there had seen Jack during the last year.  Plus the plant growth over the hatch when Boone and Locke found it indicated that it had been buried for a long time.  I’m waiting for the “it was all a dream and Bobby Ewing is still alive and Bob Hartley is still with Emily” revelation.

Invasion was bad, dumb, and insensitive.  Debuting a show that starts with a hurricane as a coverup for an alien invasion is already dumb from an rational standpoint, but doing it less than a month after a deadly hurricane and two days before another potentially devastating hurricane is bordering on tasteless and morbid.  ABC, would you show the Day After right after a nuclear war?  Or JFK after a political assassination?  Ghouls.

Oh, and my new hero is Scott Burke.  If you don’t know who he is, you weren’t watching the news last night around 6pm Pacific time.  He was the pilot of the JetBlue plane that landed at LAX despite having a busted nose landing gear.  With 150 lives riding on his wings, he nailed the landing.  Abso-tively frickin’ stuck it.  I don’t want to hear any more crap about “pressure” free throws, or “pressure” field goals… this was “pressure” LIFE.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

My favorite golf joke

My favorite golf joke, in honor of David Toms:

A man and his friends were treated to a round of golf at Pebble Beach by their wives.  They planned the round for months, and on a beautiful sunny Carmel day, he left to play the round of his dreams.  

When he came home, he looked tired and sweaty.  His wife came up to him and asked, “What’s wrong?  How was your round?”

“Oh, it was terrible”, he sighed.  “David collapsed on the first hole from a heart attack and died right there on the course.”

“Oh my God, you poor thing!  That must have been awful!”

“You’re telling me…  All day long, it was hit the ball, drag David, hit the ball, drag David…”


Headline on Yahoo News: Hurricane Center may run out of names

Why not get more detailed?  Like Hurricane Pickupyourshitandgetoutoftown or Hurricane Dontdeserttheoldpeople or Hurricane Hangontoyourkids?

Or Hurricane Youshouldn’texpecthelpfromFEMA…?



I heard Brian Murphy (writer/blogger for ESPN) talking about it.  He’s part of a team on the morning commute show on KNBR-AM, the local sports talk radio in the Bay Area.  Most every problem can be traced to LOFT.  It’s the reason why the 49ers got throttled by the Eagles on Sunday.  It’s the reason why I lose money playing live poker.  It’s the reason the Giants struggled all year without Barry.  It’s the reason why certain people lose at online poker.  It’s likely the reason every single one of us has trouble with something.  It’s LOFT.

Lack of fucking talent.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Weekend Update

Weekend Update…

  • Is there any way that a pay-per-view special including Eva Longoria and Jessica Alba, two string bikinis,and a vat of vegetable oil wouldn’t make millions?

  • Nice job on the Emmy’s by all involved.  No misplaced political rants.  A little overly maudlin regarding the Katrina issues, but understandable.  If they really wanted to make a financial splash, they would auction off the $20,000 dresses on Ebay and donate the money to disaster victims.  Come to think of it, that’s what they should do for every awards show.  Maybe the next awards show dress sell-off will be for the homeless in other cities besides New Orleans…

  • If they did auction off the dresses, who else thinks that some pathetic pervert would bid on Eva Longoria dress, just to smell the sweat stains?  Like this guy.

  • Seeing that I’m 3 for 7 in those PokerStars NLHE 18-seaters (not just cashes, but wins), have I suddenly gotten better, or has everyone else suddenly gotten much worse?  Why am I better at two-table tournaments than single-tables?  I need answers.

  • Speaking of answers, I think it’s safe to assume that Daunte Culpepper misses Randy Moss.  In case you were wondering…

  • Brett Favre must be spinning in his grave after watching the Packers lose to the Browns.  What?  He’s still alive?  Coulda fooled me...

  • Apologies to the Bears.  Or more accurately, Joey Harrington should apologize to me for making the Bears look like they were doing the Super Bowl Shuffle.  I’ll go back to slamming the Bears when the Bengals run up thirty-plus points next week.

  • I told ya so.  Anthony Wright = BAD.

  • Now that teams seem to have figured out defending Peyton Manning, maybe they should think about blocking Dwight Freeney.

  • Pegged several of the games, missed badly on a few.  

  • Misses come first: Chicago (I still don’t think they’re good, just didn’t know Detroit was that bad), San Diego (looked badly disorganized, Marty-watch begins), Indy (defense is better than the offense, who woulda thunk it?)

  • Hits: Daunte (still sucking), Anthony Wright (see above), Pittsburgh/Houston (missed by one score), Atlanta/Seattle (margin exactly right), Green Bay/Cleveland (margin right, wrong team, but accurately predicted two big plays for Browns), Indy/Jax (margin right), Dolphins (game against the Broncos was an aberration, they’ll be 4-12)

  • Fearless predictions for MNF : Eli will throw a red-zone (maybe even endzone) pick, Tiki will fumble, Brunell will get hurt, Bledsoe will overthrow a receiver and hit the free safety right in the chest, ABC will remind us 480345 times that New Orleans would have been the home team if some hurricane hadn’t hit., and the mayor of New Orleans will blather about how some crappy football team makes people feel better about having all of their possessions washed away.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

 My wife thinks I’m nuts, but I absolutely love the BK commercials with the Burger King taking an interception back for a touchdown, or getting a lateral from Randy Moss for another score. Sorry, but BK doing the Deion-happy-feet dance makes me laugh, perhaps because he’s just as likely as Deion of scoring right now.

 Won another 18-seater at PokerStars. So, in my brief comeback to the tables, I’ve won 2 of 6 tournaments for a quick +$100. Sigh. Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in!

*** Update *** Just won my 3rd of these. Now I'm plus $200 for this trip.

Time to overwork a metaphor:

Poker hands: NFL Teams

 AA – Patriots. Can beat any hand, any time, unless the other guy gets a big flop
 KK – Colts. Can beat any hand, any time, except AA
 QQ – Eagles. The mathematical favorite over everyone except AA and KK. Also, the biggest heartbreaker of every hand, always gets close to winning, but gets rivered.
 JJ – Steelers. Hard to bet on, especially if an A, K, or Q flops. It looks good right up until then, but still can’t push it too hard because you’re probably beat. But boy, it looks soooo strong sometimes…
 AQs – Panthers. Very good hand, but not a made hand yet, so it’s still vulnerable and needs help on the flop. Can beat you many ways, but can be beat too.
 AKo – Chiefs. All offense on this hand. Raise raise raise. Push push push.
 A6o – Chargers. Oh sure, that Ace sure looks good, but if you don’t get another Ace, you’re in big trouble to hands that can beat you in multiple ways like sooted connectors.
 AJo – Seahawks, Rams. The most misplayed hand. Should win more than it does, but is always mismanaged. We’d all be better off just treating this like the A-rag that it is.
 77 – Bengals. Lots of sevens. A coin flip.

For the most part, you should fold if you have…
 QTs – Vikings. A big leak for most people. It looks like it should win, but it is easily eclipsed.
 QJs – Jags. Lots of potential for this hand. Worth a raise in late position.
 66 – Jets. Why? I don’t know. They’re better than 55 and worse than 77.
 55 – Raiders. Why do people like this hand so much? Fans of this hand are rabid to the point of being unreasonable. It RARELY wins unless it gets very lucky.
 33 – Broncos. You can’t depend on threes forever.
 72o – 49ers aka the Hammer. Hits a miracle flop about once every eclipse.
 72s – Cardinals. Seriously, for the most part, a toss-up when against the Hammer.
 43o– Bears, Lions, Packers – Only time they win is when they play each other
 65o – Bills, Dolphins, Ravens, Bucs. Weak. No high card strength.
 83o – Titans, Texans, Skins, Giants. Terrible hands. Almost no chance of beating anyone.
 22 – Saints. Deuces. Get it? Deuce? Moving on…

Friday, September 16, 2005

The Commishs NFL Preview Show

The Commish’s NFL Preview show:  

Baltimore vs. Tennessee – Early favorite for Lowest Yardage game of the year.  I’ve heard a lot of announcers touting Anthony Wright as some sort of “difference maker”, like he’s the Vinnie Johnson of the NFL or something.  He’s Anthony fucking Wright, people.  He’s backing up Kyle Boller.  He’s NOT GOOD.  Ravens 13, Tennessee 7.

Detroit vs. Chicago – Now that Kyle Orton has one performance under his belt, ummm, we’ll see whether he becomes Jim McMahon (win with bad stats) or Jim Miller (lose with good stats) or Mike Tomczak (I just wanted to say “Mike Tomczak”).  Both teams are coming off good defensive performances against terrible teams (GB and Wash).  Too many weapons vs. no offensive weapons, Lions 24, Bears 9.

Minnesota vs. Cincinnati – How many people have said “Daunte can’t have two terrible games in a row”?  Why the hell not?  Here’s the key equation when considering Culpepper’s effectiveness drop from 2001 to now:
Nate Burleson + Marcus Robinson << Randy Moss + Cris Carter (even though he’s 50)
Cincinnati has a better offense than Tampa.  Cincy 27, Minnesota 20.

San Fran vs. Philly – Ouch.  A pissed-off Eagles team.  An enthusiastic 49er team.  Strangely enough, the 49ers would rather have a subpar McNabb play than a fresh Koy Detmer.  Look for Julian Peterson to shadow Westbrook man-to-man.  Eagles 20, 49ers 10

Buffalo vs. Tampa Bay – The Mediocre Bowl.  Winner goes 7-9 this year, the loser goes 6-10.  Winner 20, Loser 17.  Who the hell cares?

Jax vs. Indy – Naw, Indy doesn’t really have a defense, do they?  I’m guessing that Sunday’s performance was more a case of Baltimore’s inept offense.  Jax will light them up, but probably not enough to compete.  Colts 34, Jags 27

New England vs. Carolina – Super Bowl Preview, blah blah blah.  Watch Bellichick throw the kitchen sink at them, just to freak them out.  At least two trick plays from the Pats, one might even work.  Carolina matches up pretty well with a depleted defense.  Pats 23, Panthers 20.

Pittsburgh vs. Houston – So much for David Carr’s breakout year.  And considering the holes the Steeler line was opening, I could’ve had 100 yds.  Houston is a poor man’s Pittsburgh.  Solid ground game, fair passing game, solid defense, just not as good at any of it.  Bradshaws 27, Pastorinis 14

St. Louis vs. Arizona – I think the Rams are figuring out that they need to outscore their own coach.  It’s only a matter of time before Bulger is using bottle caps and matchsticks to call plays and ignore the instructions from Martz.  Arizona is, well, Arizona.  Rams 33, Cards 17

Atlanta vs. Seattle – Did you see the play where Vick ran between the Philly linebackers before they could even turn?  Did you see how many open receivers he missed?  He’s a rich man’s Kordell Stewart.  Field goal kicker will win this one late 26-23, toss a coin.

Miami vs. NY Jets – Ah, Marino to Duper and Clayton, Richard Todd to Al Toon, Wesley Walker, and Lam Jones.  1000 yds total offense.  A billion fantasy points used to ride on this matchup.  Now it’s Gus vs. Chad.  Dolphin fans, calm down.  It was the freakin’ Broncos you rolled.  J-E-T-S 30, Fins 17

Cleveland vs. Green Bay – Zzzzzz, oh I’m sorry, I dozed off.  OK, for those that weren’t paying attention, Trent Dilfer likes to throw deep.  Oddly enough, the Packers’ corners don’t like to cover deep.  That’ll make this one interesting because GB has tons more talent, but the Browns will hit a couple of BIG plays.  Pack 23, Browns 21

San Diego vs. Denver – Booooo, Boooooo, Booooooo.  Get used to hearing that this year, Bronc fans.  You’re gonna get worked.  LT rushes for 140 in 2.5 quarters.  Sproles mops up with 100 more.  Chargers 38, Broncos 16

Kansas City vs. Oakland – Over/under on felony assaults in the parking lot is 7.5.  That’s also the over/under on touchdowns in this one.  Chefs are gonna cook the Raidah D.  Chefs 37, Raidahs 27

NY Giants vs. New Orleans – Blah blah blah Wonderful story blah blah blah.  Funny thing is that the Giants seem to be more distracted than the Saints.  Eli will throw at least one endzone pick.  That’ll be enough…  Saints 19, Giants 16

Washington vs. Dallas – Seriously, why is this game on MNF?  It isn’t 1975 (Staubach/Kilmer), it isn’t even 1983 (White/Theeeesman), hell, it certainly isn’t 1991 (Aikman/Rypien).  This is the Re-tread Bowl, Drew Bledsoe vs. Mark Brunell.  Cowpokes 23, Skins 10.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Well thats much better

Well, that’s much better, thank you.

PokerStars Tournament #12580744, No Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: $15.00/$1.00
18 players
Total Prize Pool: $270.00
Tournament started - 2005/09/15 - 01:14:47 (ET)

Dear ToddCommish,

You finished the tournament in 1st place.
A $108.00 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

Thank you for participating.

Of course, the game is a lot easier when you get hit squarely in the face by the deck.  Lost with pocket 10’s to a shortstacked (thankfully) flush draw that hit.  Other than that, all my pockets held up.  I think the $15+1 level is the right level for now.  $10 might be too low (semi-slick moves are useless, it’s donkey poker all the way) and my bankroll is insufficient beyond $30.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Top Ten List

Ten reasons why fantasy football is like poker:

  • Everyone at the table think that they’re smarter than everyone else, and thinks they will win the pot through sheer brilliance and shrewd play

  • We all have our weak spots, whether sooted connectors or Matt Hasselbeck

  • Even if you have pocket aces (or Peyton Manning and LT), it doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily win the money

  • Even if you have the Hammer (or any two 49ers), it doesn’t mean you WON’T win the money

  • 98%-2% means the other guy still has a chance to pull it out, whether he needs the five of diamonds for his gutshot straight flush, or Kerry Collins to throw for 400 yds and six TDs (and no picks) on a Monday night.

  • You can be drawing dead before the end, especially if you’re behind and you have one receiver left and your opponent has the same team’s quarterback left.

  • Most women don’t get why men enjoy it so much. After all, it’s just a stupid game.

  • Corollary: Women that play it, usually play it well

  • Tilting someone is part of the strategy, and most of the fun

  • Beating the Donkeypuncher makes it all worthwhile

Monday, September 12, 2005

I’m gonna write this once, because it’s likely going to be the first and only time I’ll get to say this for the next 360 days.

The 49ers are in first place of the NFC West!

I’ve told most people about my modest expectations for the Niners this year (6-10 if Rattay takes the bulk of the snaps, 4-12 if Alex Smith does), and I didn’t really see anything to dissuade me from those numbers. Rattay was efficiently mediocre, reminding me more of Elvis Grbac than Joe Montana. The running game was pathetic, but the defense was stout. Holding the Rams to field goals in the first half on multiple drives was key to the win. Bryant Young and Julian Peterson showed some of the benefits of having Mike Singletary as a coach, and the rest of the team showed heart and perseverance that wasn’t there in the Erickson years.

But one thing was clear. Mike Martz has NFI how to coach during a game. His on-field decisions were universally horrendous, and his clock management was non-existent. For those that didn’t get to see the game (99% of the country missed this banner matchup), Martz’ first bad decision came at 0:01 of the first quarter. That’s right, he fucked up a decision ONE second into the game. Joe Nedney kicked off, a weak squibby kicked that bounced around the 15 and kicked towards the pylon. Some rookie schlub picked it up one step away from the pylon, and promptly took that one step straight onto the sideline one yard from the endzone. I saw it from home, the 7th team broadcast pairing saw it, 60,000 drunken Candlestickians saw it, and the referees saw it and immediately blew the whistle and marked the ball on the one. Martz challenged the call, claiming that the returner bobbled the ball and it was headed out of bounds, ignoring the fact that the rule says if the receiver provides the impetus (say, by fumbling it or bobbling it towards the sideline) for the ball to go out of bounds, it’s marked out at the spot. So he throws the replay flag. ONE fucking second into the game. And loses the challenge due to what might be termed “flagrant video evidence” or just plain stupidity. So the Rams begin the first half of their first game with one less timeout than every other freakin’ team. Martz alone might be enough to prevent a talented Rams team from making the playoffs.

Other NFL observations from week one:

· Is Miami actually good? Or is Denver that bad? I’m guessing the latter.

· Brett Favre 2005, I’d like you to meet Willie Mays 1973.

· Tops on every single FFL most-added list – Willie Parker

· Note to Daunte and Chad, call Lester Hayes and ask for his stick-um sales rep.

· I think the Arizona bandwagon just hit a big pothole. Time to bail. You too Chicago.

· Patrick Ramsey, next time a guy swings a forearm at your neck, you might want to duck. On the bright side, it did get Fred “The Hammer” Williamson a mention on Sportscenter.

· Props to the Saints. Perseverance, pride, dignity. A nice (and rare) little triple play.

Some random poker thoughts:

· Won a tiny bit at a home game this weekend. Playing limit poker with rich guys is no way to make money. Especially when you get sucked out time after time after time. Yeah, I know, if they call me with the worst hand, I will win in the long run. Well, I haven’t seen the goddamn long run in a long, long time. My top two pair got rivered by a gutshot because the guy was actually getting pot odds to call, not that he even knew what pot odds were. Flopped a set, raised every chance, and got runner-runnered by a flush. Ridiculous. But still fun. From a poker standpoint, it was horrible. From a hanging-out-with-the-guys-and-laughing-my-ass-off standpoint, it was great.

· Bubbled out in an 18-seater at RiverStars. Do you remember in last year’s WSOP when Dan Harrington called an all-in with the worst hand and sucked out on Raymer? He said “I knew it, I knew I was beat, but I called because the worse hands are winning”. I’m gonna hafta try that. I’ve been getting my money in as anywhere from a 55-45 shot to a 86-14 shot, and losing. Every. Fricking. Time.

· I’m so proud. My ten-year old daughter saw me lose a big hand with AK vs. QQ when my flopped King lost to a river Queen and said “Dad, that sucks when you get rivered”.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Amidst the hype surrounding the Patriots and their possible three-peattm (courtesy: Pat Riley), I feel compelled to remind people of the team that SHOULD have been the only NFL three-peattm up until this point… The 1988-1990 San Francisco 49ers, perhaps the greatest offense in history, came within a Roger Fucking Craig fumble of winning the NFC Championship Game, and the inevitable Berman dream match-up against the Buffalo Bills. They had already beat the Bengals, blasted the Broncos, and were poised to blow away the Bills.

Though Montana probably would have been out of the Super Bowl (courtesy of a blindside hit by Leonard Marshall), Steve Young would have started at QB. Jerry Rice was at his unstoppable peak (which lasted 12 years), John Taylor was almost his equal on the other side, Roger Craig was coming off an MVP year, Tom Rathman was the best fullback in football, the offensive line had three Pro-Bowlers, and I haven’t even talked about the defense led by Ronnie Lott and Keena Turner. This team was loaded.

Here’s a fun game, check out these receiving numbers…

Receiver A - 347 receptions, 5,598 yards, 16.3 avg, 43 tds
Receiver B - 336 reeptions, 5,462 yards, 16.3 avg, 51 tds

Receiver B is in the Hall of Fame, Receiver A has never been nominated.

Receiver B? Lynn Swann. Receiver A? John Taylor.

My guess if the 1988-1990 49ers played the 2003-2005 Patriots that the faster, more athletic 49ers would pick apart the Patriot defense with quick slants to Rice and Taylor and take advantage of the slower linebackers with swing passes to the backs. The Patriots might be able to run on the 49ers, but wouldn’t be able to cash in enough with touchdowns to counter the more potent offense on the other side.

My guess for final score: 49ers 34, Patriots 23.

p.s. Just for kicks, I ran the game on What-if-Sports. Played in the Superdome (for sentimental reasons). 1989 49ers 23, 2004 Pats 17.

p.p.s. In a series simulation, the 49ers win 4-2.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Back in the Saddle again… I had some money moldering in Neteller, untarnished by multiple fantasy football leagues, What-if Sports teams, and pick-em pools. This was MY money, free and clear. So, as any compulsive gambler would do, I started poking around various poker sites, seeking to whore my money out to the most appealing combination of bonus cash, bonus terms, and game selection.

First, let me tell you about the sites I didn’t choose.

Party/Empire– I’m tired of Party… plain and simple. I’m tired of their commercials, I’m tired of their interface, I’m tired of their arrogance. It’s like buying stock in IBM. Yeah, I know, fishy wishy, but with 70K players, 60K of which are schooling fish and 8K of which are sharks, you’re outnumbered and you NEVER get an overlay on tournaments.

Noble – Honestly, I wanted to try this one. I downloaded their software and everything! That 100% bonus sounded wonderful and all of the reviews had been pretty good. I logged on last night at around 10pm (my usual poker time) and there were 800 people. 800! Not a good omen for finding a live table or a quick SnG. Hell, I might as well have gone to Poker Mountain.

Pacific – For my money, better hunting grounds that even Party. I punched up my history, just for nostalgia’s sake. I cashed out over $1K ahead here, but no reload bonuses to speak of. Even a 10% bonus might have earned my money. Those 20-seat SnGs that paid down to the top five were my bread-and-butter for months. But the $16 buy-ins were gone. Oh well…

Full Tilt – I never had good luck here. I blame the garish colors and the circus appearance of the whole site. Also, it takes forever to get a SnG going. I’m looking for quick gratification, not a 20-minute wait. I’ve never been a real jock-sniffer, so the “rub elbows with the pros” angle never drew me in. Their email promos are laughable also, lauding Annie Duke as being “considered by many the best women’s player in history”. Ummm, I think “many” refers to anyone who is employed by Full Tilt. Otherwise, NO.

Ultimate – I absolutely HATE their new SnG structure. For those who haven’t been there in a while, instead of having SnG tables fill up, you go to a virtual SnG lobby with 20-30 other guys and wait for the top ten to be “called” to a table. Apparently, their software waits until a SnG table finishes, and then moves the group over. I’ve seen over 40 people waiting for a SnG to start. Most other sites would just, oh, start the table when ten people sit down. So, despite having the best interface in the industry, they were never a consideration.

Poker Mountain – I just put this here to see if you were paying attention. With about five people there at any one time, they’re probably running this on a 486DX in Daniel Negreanu’s mother’s basement. To paraphrase Al Borland, “I don’t think so, Todd”.

And the winner is… Poker Stars! Ah, the site of my greatest almost-triumph, the 2nd place finish in the WPBT’s second (or third) Monty Tournament last year. A 20% bonus that never expires, tons of SnGs running in multiple games and limits, bad players galore, and in case you hadn’t heard, Greg Raymer and Chris Moneymaker started there! So I plopped my pittance down (via Neteller) and was playing a $10 SnG within five minutes.

I hadn’t really played in about a month, but did OK. I was crippled early by a flopped two pair getting beat by pocket aces that rivered a set. I can’t bitch about the guy chasing since he had pocket aces, after all. I called a modest EP preflop raise on the button with T8 sooted. Flop of T83 with two spades drew a min bet from the aces, which I promptly raised 3x. He smooth-called. Spade on the turn got him to check. I put him on the ace of spades and bet the pot, knowing he would call, but pricing him into a bad spot. River was the ace of spades, which stopped me dead. With four spades on board, we both checked it down and he showed his pocket rockets which shot down my two pair. Not sure if I could’ve played it differently or better.

And they call it RiverStars for a reason. I ended up busting out on ATs. After a preflop raise, I get a flop of T75. After a bet and a call, the turn is a 6. I push here and get called in one place. By 96o. The river hits his gutshot and IGHN. Again, played it right and lost. I’ll probably get back into my one SnG a night pattern and see how this “free” cash plays out. If last night is any indication, I’m playing correct poker, just not winning poker. Hopefully soon, the odds will balance out and those five and six-outers won’t be hitting twice in a row.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Life (and Death) go on…

· I’m the first to admit that I have NFI what goes on in the Supreme Court and which decisions are coming out of it. What I do care about is the non-politicization (is that a word?) of the court itself. This Roberts guy seems like a reasonable, thoughtful judge. And, at least according to his record, is not particularly beholden to any particular political agenda. That alone makes him better than the spectacularly stupid candidates being bandied about by both extremes. Why not pick someone who actually considers the merits of the cases brought to the court and not the political ramifications of the decisions? Why is that such a difficult concept?

· Hey, lesson to the rest of the US: If you’re putting your faith in the federal bureaucracy to save your life, you’re in big big trouble. And to all you people saying that it’s a race issue, that’s a tired argument. The feds can’t get their shit together to do anything useful, never could… never will. And the funny thing is that liberals continue to support building up the federal bureaucracy, and then complain about it when it misfires. That’s like right-wing conservatives supporting gun deregulation and then complaining about crime.

· Another lesson to the US: If you’re putting your faith in other countries to lift a pinky to help us after a natural disaster, you’re kidding yourself. My son’s middle school donated more to help Katrina victims than most countries.

· Message to the rest of the world: The next time some hurricane or earthquake or tsunami wipes out your village (let alone a major metropolitan area), guess what…? The US will be there with money and aid, because we’re the most generous, most compassionate, and kindest people in the fucking world, and don’t you forget it!

· Has there been any NFL season that started with less fanfare? With all the world shit going on, Thursday’s game is practically an afterthought. Oh, and the over/under for Lost promos is 12.

· Oh, and is anyone besides California paying attention to the NL Worst? The Giants are now in second place with a big, flaxseed-stained bullet next to their name. They’ve won six in a row and that isn’t even the biggest news. Barry might be coming back for a boffo climax to the season, possibly pinch-hitting as early as today. Mark my words, if Barry gets more than 60 plate appearances between now and the end of the season, the Giants will win the division. Of those, I would expect 20-25 walks, 7-10 singles, and 5-8 homers. Considering the competition, that should be good enough. In fact, there is a strong likelihood that the division winner (whether the Giants or the Padres) will be sub-.500, making it official that the NL West is the worst division in the history of baseball.

· San Jose State has a better record than the University of Miami.

Mini-milestone for me: This is blog entry #201, meaning I've vented my spleen over 200 times onto this server. Kudos to anyone who hasn't taken a baseball bat to their screen in response.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Here is the draft review for the blogger/reader fantasy football league organized by the Donk over at Yahoo. Most won't care, but oh well...

Apologies to those who are bloggers, but I don't have anyone's blog except for:
NutzInButz (Donkeypuncher)
Performify Pigskins (Performify)
[edit] Junk Kickers (Sound of a Suckout), Sorry Seth, I googled your name and didn't connect it to your blog, since you post under a different name.

Presumed readers are:
Modern Mongoloids (Johnny Flopboot, who has comments everywhere, but no blog)
West Canaan Coyotes
Nuc Plant Nipples
I'm No Ditka (cabrales21)

Round 1
1 L. Tomlinson The Junk Kickers
2 S. Alexander DeadMoney
3 P. Holmes Performify PIGSKINS
4 P. Manning West Canaan Coyotes
5 E. James NutzInButz
6 R. Moss Modern Mongoloids
7 C. Dillon BaxterIsThatYou
8 D. Culpepper Nuc Plant Nipples
9 W. McGahee Sooted Connectors
10 Baltimore D I'm No Ditka

I have the ninth pick and I’m thrilled to get McGahee. Yahoo leagues have QB-centric scoring (6 pts per TD pass), but if you’re not getting Peyton or Daunte, the next five or six are pretty comparable. The eyebrow raiser here is the Baltimore D, which was apparently an autodraft ranking. More on this later.

Round 2
11 J. Lewis I'm No Ditka
12 D. McAllister Sooted Connectors
13 T. Barber Nuc Plant Nipples
14 D. McNabb BaxterIsThatYou
15 D. Davis Modern Mongoloids
16 A. Green NutzInButz
17 J. Jones West Canaan Coyotes
18 K. Jones Performify PIGSKINS
19 C. Portis DeadMoney
20 M. Harrison The Junk Kickers

Deuce is almost a forced pick. I don’t have faith in the Jones boys to be top 12-worthy, so I take the safe pick. Also, when you have the ninth pick, the guy behind you is hugely important. You need to get a read on this person, like getting a read on the player to your right at the poker table. So now the guy has two Baltimore picks, so I’m guessing an AFC Central fan on autodraft. He apparently fiddled with the picks, but seems to be focused on getting some personal favorites rather than drafting to win. First read… done.

Round 3
21 S. Jackson The Junk Kickers
22 T. Owens DeadMoney
23 T. Gonzalez Performify PIGSKINS
24 R. Johnson West Canaan Coyotes
25 T. Holt NutzInButz
26 C. Martin Modern Mongoloids
27 L. Jordan BaxterIsThatYou
28 T. Bell Nuc Plant Nipples
29 C. Johnson Sooted Connectors
30 A. Vinatieri I'm No Ditka

EVERYONE in the league except for Ditka now has two RBs, meaning that most are drafting veterans and are following the standard script. Of course, the deviant is to my right and will befuddle me throughout the evening. I’m happy to get Chad Johnson here. In a typical 10-teamer, if each team has two RBs within three rounds, ten other players must be picked. And these are typically the top three QBs, top six WRs, and someone always takes Gonzo. With two RBs in the consensus top 10 and a WR in the consensus top 5, I’ve got a solid base for my team. The Vinatieri pick pegs Ditka as an autodrafter who put his top players by position, so now he has his #1 defense and his #1 kicker… and last place for the rest of the year.

Round 4
31 T. Green I'm No Ditka
32 R. Wayne Sooted Connectors
33 A. Gates Nuc Plant Nipples
34 D. Jackson BaxterIsThatYou
35 B. Favre Modern Mongoloids
36 J. Walker NutzInButz
37 J. Horn West Canaan Coyotes
38 M. Bulger Performify PIGSKINS
39 H. Ward DeadMoney
40 A. Johnson The Junk Kickers

A slew of choices here. I choose to follow my own advice and take another 1000-yd, 10-td receiver. Joe Horn was a possibility, but it’s never good to take the two top performers from a single team, especially if that team is the Saints. Of course, DP has two Packers now and I remind him of this on IM. I’m kinda hoping that Burleson makes it back to me, but DP tells me that we’s deciding between Andre Johnson and Burleson for his next pick, so I’m targeting elsewhere. I’ve seen Favre make some awful throws in the preseason, so I’m bearish on him and his receivers.

Round 5
41 A. Boldin The Junk Kickers
42 Mi. Clayton DeadMoney
43 N. Burleson Performify PIGSKINS
44 D. Bennett West Canaan Coyotes
45 C. Chambers NutzInButz
46 D. Driver Modern Mongoloids
47 L. Johnson BaxterIsThatYou
48 L. Coles Nuc Plant Nipples
49 J. Porter Sooted Connectors
50 B. Westbrook I'm No Ditka

A little early for LJ, but Ditka makes a nice autopick here. Chris Chambers was last seen in Canton lobbying for Marino to return. With eight WRs going in this round, the run has officially begun to fill the three WR slots. I was waffling between Porter, Steve Smith, and Isaac Bruce. I went young, although I’m not thrilled with two #2 receivers in my starting lineup. Of course, they’ll be the two most productive #2’s in football, but still.

Round 6
51 J. Witten I'm No Ditka
52 S. Smith Sooted Connectors
53 M. Muhammad Nuc Plant Nipples
54 J. Shockey BaxterIsThatYou
55 E. Moulds Modern Mongoloids
56 K. Collins NutzInButz
57 I. Bruce West Canaan Coyotes
58 Ro. Williams Performify PIGSKINS
59 A. Brooks DeadMoney
60 D. Foster The Junk Kickers

I get Smith anyway. Ditka now has filled in my last three slots (TE, K, Def) by the sixth round. Nice. DP’s pick of Collins starts a nice banter about drunkenness in the draft room. My four receivers have different bye weeks, so I’m pretty well set there. I have two good RBs and four good WRs, and I’m liking my team.

Round 7
61 M. Vick The Junk Kickers
62 Buffalo DeadMoney
63 Ji. Smith Performify PIGSKINS
64 A. Crumpler West Canaan Coyotes
65 L. Fitzgerald NutzInButz
66 T. Heap Modern Mongoloids
67 A. Lelie BaxterIsThatYou
68 D. Mason Nuc Plant Nipples
69 C. Williams Sooted Connectors
70 L. Evans I'm No Ditka

Time for a flyer on the Cadillac. I wanted Heap here, but Cadillac is a Hubie Brown special here (“I see nothing but upside”) Now that Crumpler and Heap are gone, the TE pickings are razor thin, so I’m passing them off till the end.

Round 8
71 E. Kennison I'm No Ditka
72 T. Brady Sooted Connectors
73 D. Akers Nuc Plant Nipples
74 B. Stokley BaxterIsThatYou
75 J. Elam Modern Mongoloids
76 F. Taylor NutzInButz
77 M. Stover West Canaan Coyotes
78 J. Arrington Performify PIGSKINS
79 D. Staley DeadMoney
80 C. Benson The Junk Kickers

Sigh, I might as well take a QB now before others start picking their backups. Did you notice that Ditka’s last two picks are Lee Evans and Eddie Kennison? I’ve given up trying to guess along with him. For some reasons, a mini-run on kickers starts along with a mini-run on rookie RBs. Two nice value picks in Taylor (always good for five or six games of good production) and JJ Arrington, the darling of rookie sleeper picks.

Round 9
81 R. Droughns The Junk Kickers
82 J. Wiggins DeadMoney
83 D. Branch Performify PIGSKINS
84 Atlanta West Canaan Coyotes
85 S. Moss NutzInButz
86 New England Modern Mongoloids
87 M. Bennett BaxterIsThatYou
88 Tampa Bay Nuc Plant Nipples
89 K. Barlow Sooted Connectors
90 Ro. Smith I'm No Ditka

I told DP that no 49ers were draftable this year. And I was right. Not sure why I took Barlow here. I must not have been paying attention. Still, he has a chance to fill in during some bye weeks. Otherwise, he has the best chance of being a bait-and-switch pick. These are guys that might have a very good game early in the year that you can trade for someone with a slow start. While he’s busy crashing back down to 10 carry, 32 yard weeks, you can be waiting for the slow starter to ramp into full production. Happens every year. Oops, maybe I shouldn’t be revealing that… oh, wtf.

Round 10
91 C. Brown I'm No Ditka
92 B. Franks Sooted Connectors
93 D. Brees Nuc Plant Nipples
94 K. Colbert BaxterIsThatYou
95 M. Hasselbeck Modern Mongoloids
96 C. Palmer NutzInButz
97 J. Plummer West Canaan Coyotes
98 Philadelphia Performify PIGSKINS
99 P. Burress DeadMoney
100 J. Delhomme The Junk Kickers

Ah, my starting lineup is now full. Bubba will go back to being the goalline choice of Favre this year, especially at what they’re paying him. I’m expecting eight TDs from him. I also stunned DP by predicting that he would either take Palmer or Delhomme here. I’d say I have a read on him. This gives him the AA poster boys at QB (Collins/Palmer).

Round 11
101 R. McMichael The Junk Kickers
102 M. Vanderjagt DeadMoney
103 Ke. Johnson Performify PIGSKINS
104 W. Dunn West Canaan Coyotes
105 R. Williams NutzInButz
106 R. Brown Modern Mongoloids
107 M. Anderson BaxterIsThatYou
108 J. Bettis Nuc Plant Nipples
109 C. Pennington Sooted Connectors
110 S. McNair I'm No Ditka
Round 12
111 T. Houshmandzadeh I'm No Ditka
112 C. Rogers Sooted Connectors
113 E. Johnson Nuc Plant Nipples
114 D. Bledsoe BaxterIsThatYou
115 D. Givens Modern Mongoloids
116 Da. Clark NutzInButz
117 J. Galloway West Canaan Coyotes
118 T. Duckett Performify PIGSKINS
119 B. Leftwich DeadMoney
120 K. Robinson The Junk Kickers
Round 13
121 D. Stallworth The Junk Kickers
122 M. Faulk DeadMoney
123 B. Griese Performify PIGSKINS
124 R. Caldwell West Canaan Coyotes
125 S. Janikowski NutzInButz
126 K. McCardell Modern Mongoloids
127 J. Wilkins BaxterIsThatYou
128 D. Patten Nuc Plant Nipples
129 Washington Sooted Connectors
130 M. Robinson I'm No Ditka
Round 14
131 S. Graham I'm No Ditka
132 R. Longwell Sooted Connectors
133 S. Parker Nuc Plant Nipples
134 Chicago BaxterIsThatYou
135 D. Graham Modern Mongoloids
136 Pittsburgh NutzInButz
137 L. Smith West Canaan Coyotes
138 L. Tynes Performify PIGSKINS
139 J. McCareins DeadMoney
140 J. Brown The Junk Kickers
Round 15
141 Indianapolis The Junk Kickers
142 J. Putzier DeadMoney
143 H. Miller Performify PIGSKINS
144 J. Reed West Canaan Coyotes
145 T. Jones NutzInButz
146 J. Hanson Modern Mongoloids
147 T. Williamson BaxterIsThatYou
148 J. Carney Nuc Plant Nipples
149 Carolina Sooted Connectors
150 F. Jones I'm No Ditka

Nothing special here, except the DP somehow managed to snag Ricky (Pothead) and SeBas (roofies) to complete his police blotter of a team. If Lawrence Phillips was eligible, he would’ve taken him too.

My team should contend:
QB – Brady, Pennington
RB – McGahee, McCallister, Cadillac, Barlow
WR – Cjohnson, Wayne, Porter, SSmith, CRogers
TE – Franks
K - Longwell
D – Washington, Carolina (Note: I picked two defenses because Wash has an early bye in week three. I’ll probably drop them then and use that slot to cover TE and K byes)

Not to be callous or anything, but I hope Deuce can keep his focus and have a great year. This is the kind of team that will score 50-70 pts every week, but with no 100 pt blowouts. Hopefully, that’s enough to make the playoffs, but what the hell, it’s only $20.