Some random thoughts as 2008 is already 1/24 gone…

o Not sure if the rest of the country has been privy to the breathless newscasts and frequent updates regarding the rampaging tiger at the San Francisco Zoo. Now, one of the two brothers who managed to avoid a bloody death is being charged with a drunken assault crime from months ago.

OK, let me guess this straight… Three guys are attacked by a tiger who had to leap a moat, scale a fence, and kill/maul all three of them. Mind you, NOBODY ELSE in the whole freaking zoo was attacked… just these three clowns. One of them has a history of acting up while drunk, the cops found empty vodka bottles in their car, and they had wrist rockets in their possession. And their ambulance chasing legal team is claiming that the attack was unprovoked? Uh, I think the tiger was DSAF. I’m just sorry the cops shot the tiger before he could finish off the other two.

o I hate the political primary season. Why should I give a rat’s ass what a bunch of corn farmers in Iowa think? Why should I give a rat’s ass what a bunch of autoworkers in Michigan think? The most amusing part of the entire exercise is that the liberals are insisting on placing two unelectable candidates onto their ticket. Even putting one of these two onto the ticket as VP would torpedo any chances for the White House. The concept of electibility seems to escape the Democrats…

o Quick question for those of you with kids… If your kids got into trouble for picking fights, and are grounded and aren’t supposed to leave the house, what do you think will happen if you leave on a business trip?

OK, now what do you think will happen in Iraq if the United States pulls their troops out?

My plan (thank you for asking) would be for US troops to pull BACK, not out, and form a perimeter around Iraq. We tell Iraq (and the world) that we’ll stay the hell out of Iraq IF they conduct themselves like a nice, civilized society. If they start killing Kurds or raping/torturing citizens or developing WMD, we will send the troops right back in. That way, we still have the (relatively) high ground of standing up for civilized people while not playing the role of enemy occupying force.

o Enough with the freaking writers’ strike. It’s not like the WGA has a monopoly on creative ability. Frankly, I’m betting that most of them could be replaced tomorrow by equally talented writers from the internet and blogosphere who would be happy to be paid ANYTHING for their words. Geez, are you trying to tell me that someone who writes the dialogue for “Samantha Who” or “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” is an irreplaceable talent?

Anyway, one other fear of mine is the ESPN hype machine that will result from the Green Bay-New England Super Bowl matchup. Between sucking off Brett Favre and Tom Brady, the ESPN suits will be fuller than Rod Stewart's stomach contents. Here's hoping for a ratings-deflating, but intriguing San Diego-New York Giants upset special this weekend.