Thursday, October 14, 2004

Well, my birthday is this weekend (41st, if you’re counting), which explains this recent blast of nostalgia, which will now reflect on the stages of this Man, as reflected by my various TV/Movie crushes

1. Mary Ann – I never liked Ginger, possibly a precursor to my anti-Hollywood political views. Mary Ann was low maintenance, banana cream pies, and had one helluva body. Note: this is from reruns, I ain’t old enough to remember the original run of the series. Also, a lot of guys my age liked Marcia, whom I could never stand. I preferred Jan, despite her multiple neuroses and her unfortunate foray into orthodonture. Perhaps it was because my sister was the Japanese equivalent of Marcia, down to her hairstyle, attitude, and personality… Anyway, moving on.

2. Olivia Newton-John – This was in her early country music phase. She had an amazingly fresh clean look to her. Even in the execrable Xanadu, she looked gorgeous. Frankly, I think she looked crappy at the end of Grease when she was wearing all that spandex and leather; it just didn’t fit her “look”. She also could easily make the list twice for her rebirth as an aerobics icon in the “Physical” video

3. Cheryl Ladd – Keep your Farrahs and Jaclyns, this was the best looking Angel EVER! Next time you catch the opening credits on TVLand, check out the montage of shots of Cheryl Ladd, from the one in the wet bikini smoothing her wet hair to the one in the hot tub with her hair pinned up. Yow!

In all fairness, I did have the infamous Farrah red swimsuit (with headlights) poster in my room. I also had the Farrah white tank top poster. And Jaclyn Smith in her 40’s and 50’s was/is the most attractive middle-aged woman ever.

4. Valerie Bertinelli – For some reason, I always liked her. Cute round face, nice flip hairdo to frame it… Of course, that was before her career-ending marriage to Eddie Van Halen. I think Dorothy Hamill was around the same time. Aside from the Van Halen connection, basically followed the same career arc, just on ice.

5. Heather Locklear – I had some buddies that liked the “other” Heather (Thomas), mainly because the “other” Heather had a poster out wearing a pink swimsuit and bigger cans. I think time has proven which Heather was superior. Again, the fresh clean look wins out over the “been around the block” look. The opening credits to TJ Hooker were outstanding. Heather tossing her hair, Heather throwing a baton (which made a bad guy flip over… amazing!), Heather in a skimpy, quasi-exotic dance outfit. Again, multiple incarnations from Stacy (TJ Hooker) to Sammi Jo (Dynasty) to Amanda (Melrose Place) warrants multiple entries.

5.5. Pamela Sue Martin – Some of you younger types may not even know who she is. She started in the Poseidon Adventure (she’s the cute teenager in the red shorts), went on for a brief time as Nancy Drew, jumped over to Dynasty (Fallon, I think), and effectively ended her career with a soft-core spread for Penthouse or Playboy, I don’t remember which.

Wow, this has gotten longer than I thought. I’ll post some of the others later…..


At 8:15 AM, Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Valerie Bertinelli :: YESSS! I loved her! I agree with most of your picks. Heather is still a knockout! I saw her on Howard Stern last night! MAN! SHE HAS A TIGHT BODY! If I say Cindy Brady will I get arrested? lol. Just kidding. How about Alyssa Milano. A little past your time.. but right around?

At 3:31 AM, Blogger BG said...

I'm going to disagree just a touch on Jaclyn Smith as the most attractive middle aged woman ever. Give me Sela Ward about four years ago. Actually, give me Sela Ward and give her some roofies, and then I think you've got the idea.

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