For those of you planning to miss the upcoming Democratic Presidential debate, I will provide a Cliff’s Notes transcript.

Clinton: Bush is an idiot. I have more experience than the other candidates because of all my time in the Senate and White House, even though I’m totally unelectable due to being a woman and widely despised.

Obama: Bush is an idiot. I appeal to the liberal base better than the other candidates because I’m youthful and telegenic, even though I’m totally unelectable due to being black and unqualified.

Edwards: Bush is an idiot. I'm white and male, I have nice hair, my wife has cancer, and fewer Americans hate me.

Others: We’re not going to say anything against the top three in case they need a VP.

:::Click!:::