Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Brieft rant...

Some random things that piss me off –

Sudoku – WTF is all the hubbub? These fucking things have been showing up in crossword puzzle magazines for years, and suddenly they’re the next Pet Rock. I was in a Borders during my lunch hour today, and noticed a completely FULL shelf of nothing but Su-fucking-doku. On a completely separate note, the reason I noticed it was that it was right next to a completely FULL shelf of nothing but poker books.

Kakuro – These used to be called Cross Sums and were in every crossword puzzle magazine too. Now it’s threatening to be the latest spin-off craze for the sheep. I’m gonna wipe my ass now and call the paper “Shitoku” and some schmuck will copy it and publish it and a bunch of lemmings will buy it. Americans are basically stupid and other people (not me) are better at separating them from their money. I hate that.

Oprah’s anything – Women are stupid herd animals. That’s the only conclusion I can draw from Oprah’s Book Club, Oprah’s cookbook, Oprah’s magazine, Oprah’s hemorrhoid cream, whatever Oprah spews out, they buy. Why? Do they think that they will become multi-gazillionaires if they do whatever Oprah says? It’s a neverending cycle of Oprah… They worship Oprah because she’s rich, they buy her shit because they worship Oprah, she gets richer, so they worship her even more, buying even more and so on and so on until even Fibonacci couldn’t count her net worth.

Brokeback jokes – OK, we get it. They’re gay. Enough.

Bode Miller – Who else thinks his parents were trying to name him “Bodhi” and were too stupid to figure out the spelling? When is he going to join Anfernee Hardaway in the “Athletes with Illiterate parents” wing of the Hall of Shame? Also, please note how my suggestion of tetherball-posts-as-slalom-gates would’ve made Bode’s gate-straddling yesterday a definitive Must-see moment…

Some things that I actually think are cool…

That Chinese girl who dumped it in the pairs – This 80-lb waif showed more heart than the entire Indianapolis Colts team. Who else thought that she would pack it in after taking that header? Maybe it was because her coach would’ve put her into an overseas massage/prostitution ring if she had quit…

Lindsey Kildow – Same thing. Her fall in the downhill practice made every guy wince in pain, but she shook it off (probably doped up like Brett Favre in a pharmacy) and went out on the exact same course and tried. Cojones.

Dick Cheney and guns – Hmm, old guys with heart conditions and crappy eyesight plus guns minus hunting licenses equals fun aplenty. It might be worth it to watch SNL this weekend just to see the first skit, which you know will be Darrell Hammond shooting some poor schmuck.


At 2:39 PM, Blogger mcSey said...

Heh... spot on.

(Still think you're wrong about Gretsky;)

At 6:36 PM, Blogger Donkeypuncher said...

Lindsey Kildow - Cojones nothing! She needed a helicopter lift, for what? A bruised hip? Give me a fucking break. There are at least 20 worse injuries per football game, and you don't see anyone airlifted off the field.


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