Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Time for my pre-Olympic rant…

· Now that the Super Bowl officials have been verbally tarred and feathered, can we all agree that SOMETHING must be done about the officiating? I’m not sure full-time officials would solve anything. After all, they’re still just officiating one game a week… it’s not like there’s an NFL-type league playing on Wednesdays too. They’d just be sitting around waiting for the game on Sunday (much like most men do anyway).

· The problem isn’t FULL-time officials, it’s old, stupid, indecisive officials. Aside from Ed Hochuli, there isn’t a single NFL official that the Donkeypuncher couldn’t whip. Now that’s just plain sad. Some of them are clearly overweight, most are older than the team owners, and they’re all jock-sniffers, glad to have a chance to participate in a game they were too weak or soft to play. Think about it. If a player is having an off-day, what happens? He gets PULLED by the coach. Have the officials held to the same standards. If an official blows a call or is wishy-washy (like the goal-line official on Big Ben’s fumble, er, touchdown), another official runs in from the sideline, taps him on the shoulder, and sends him off the field.

· Getting ready for my Olympic tape-delay strategy with wifey… Here’s a clip from two years ago when the Summer Olympic telecasts were similarly mishandled by the incompetents at NBC. Just substitute Figure Skating for the swimming or gymnastics, and you’ll have it.
- The 12-18 hour tape delay for the West Coast is kinda helpful in planning the evening. If my wife wants to watch a swimming race or gymnastics round, if I don’t want to watch it, I can just look up the results, and announce them to her so she won’t want to watch it either.
Wifey: Oooh, I want to watch the swimming tonight. Michael Phelps is in the relay.
Me (at the computer, typing quickly): Why do you want to watch that anyway? The US only gets the bronze.
Wifey: You’re a turd. And you better not tell me what medal the gymnastics team gets…
Me: No problem, it’s just the preliminaries tonight, and they come in second to Romania anyway.
Wifey: You’re a turd. I’m going into the other room to read a magazine.
Me: While you’re up, can you turn it to Celebrity Poker?

· I’m trying to think of a single compelling reason to watch a single Olympic sport this year, and I’m coming up snake eyes. Methinks my poker account will see a lot of activity next week.

· I do enjoy the short track speed skating which is essentially Roller Derby on ice. It would be nice if they’d let the skaters do some mic work before the race to generate some interest. Or just let them throw elbows and give teammates arm whips. Now that would be something I’d watch!

· All of the downhill sports are as interesting to watch as NASCAR (read: not very). Crashes are spectacular, but the actual racing is rather boring, simply watching the interval times click down until they hit the line. They need to have a downhill race comparable to the street luge where EVERYONE starts at the same time on a sled and let them fight it out all the way down.

· Figure skating is not a sport… If it is, then Dancing with the Stars should be. And Stacey Keibler would be the favorite for the Gold.

· Someone should organize a poker tournament for the exact time the Ice Dancing finals are on TV. I guarantee that every husband in America would enter. And yes, I’m a sexist pig.


At 3:05 PM, Blogger Human Head said...

You may be a sexist pig, but that doesn't necessarily make you wrong. NH, sir.

At 7:13 PM, Blogger Donkeypuncher said...

I could take Hochuli.


I was going to do a similar rant, but you've saved me the time. Hardly any of the events are real sports. They're events that were put in just so the US could have a good showing.

At 7:21 AM, Blogger Meek said...

I think the US will have a Stacy Kiebler look a like entered in Ice Dancing. That poker game may come up empty.


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