From the nobody-asked-me file:

How many remember when Hilary Swank was “The Next Karate Kid” and why didn’t she thank Mr. Miyagi for teaching her to fight?

Ummm, who else think Sean Penn takes himself (and Jude Law) a little too seriously?

New rule, no matter how many worked on the movie, only one acceptance speech per category.

Was Martin Scorsese on his way to an audition for the Harry Caray story?

Was Johnny Depp deliberately wearing Gene Wilder’s old Willy Wonka outfit to promote “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”?

Why was Whoopi Goldberg the only other ex-host on the Johnny Carson retrospective? Were Billy Crystal, Steve Martin, and David Letterman all busy?

Even my wife was commenting on how gorgeous Halle Berry looked.

Melanie Griffith looks like a bad episode of Nip/Tuck that involves a malpractice lawsuit.

Props to Chris Rock, who kept the straitjacket on and basically did an SNL-level stand-up routine without resorting to any verbal sledgehammering. Congrats, you basically turned yourself into Arsenio.

Another boring night.