Weekend Update

Weekend Update…

• Is there any way that a pay-per-view special including Eva Longoria and Jessica Alba, two string bikinis,and a vat of vegetable oil wouldn’t make millions?

• Nice job on the Emmy’s by all involved.  No misplaced political rants.  A little overly maudlin regarding the Katrina issues, but understandable.  If they really wanted to make a financial splash, they would auction off the $20,000 dresses on Ebay and donate the money to disaster victims.  Come to think of it, that’s what they should do for every awards show.  Maybe the next awards show dress sell-off will be for the homeless in other cities besides New Orleans…

• If they did auction off the dresses, who else thinks that some pathetic pervert would bid on Eva Longoria dress, just to smell the sweat stains?  Like this guy.

• Seeing that I’m 3 for 7 in those PokerStars NLHE 18-seaters (not just cashes, but wins), have I suddenly gotten better, or has everyone else suddenly gotten much worse?  Why am I better at two-table tournaments than single-tables?  I need answers.

• Speaking of answers, I think it’s safe to assume that Daunte Culpepper misses Randy Moss.  In case you were wondering…

• Brett Favre must be spinning in his grave after watching the Packers lose to the Browns.  What?  He’s still alive?  Coulda fooled me...

• Apologies to the Bears.  Or more accurately, Joey Harrington should apologize to me for making the Bears look like they were doing the Super Bowl Shuffle.  I’ll go back to slamming the Bears when the Bengals run up thirty-plus points next week.

• I told ya so.  Anthony Wright = BAD.

• Now that teams seem to have figured out defending Peyton Manning, maybe they should think about blocking Dwight Freeney.

• Pegged several of the games, missed badly on a few.  

• Misses come first: Chicago (I still don’t think they’re good, just didn’t know Detroit was that bad), San Diego (looked badly disorganized, Marty-watch begins), Indy (defense is better than the offense, who woulda thunk it?)

• Hits: Daunte (still sucking), Anthony Wright (see above), Pittsburgh/Houston (missed by one score), Atlanta/Seattle (margin exactly right), Green Bay/Cleveland (margin right, wrong team, but accurately predicted two big plays for Browns), Indy/Jax (margin right), Dolphins (game against the Broncos was an aberration, they’ll be 4-12)

• Fearless predictions for MNF : Eli will throw a red-zone (maybe even endzone) pick, Tiki will fumble, Brunell will get hurt, Bledsoe will overthrow a receiver and hit the free safety right in the chest, ABC will remind us 480345 times that New Orleans would have been the home team if some hurricane hadn’t hit., and the mayor of New Orleans will blather about how some crappy football team makes people feel better about having all of their possessions washed away.