Tuesday, June 14, 2005

“Just because the kid’s mother is a money-grubbing, ambulance-chasing scumbag doesn’t mean Jacko is innocent” – Me.

I think we can all agree that Michael Jackson has become a monstrous freak. I would LOVE to see him accidentally step on Mike Tyson’s foot and watch the ensuing carnage. It would be pure poetry to watch two of the most fucked-up people in the history of the planet in the same place at the same time, with one of them beating the other to a bloody pulp. Hmmmm….

Oddly, Mike Tyson is actually the saner of the two, which might be the only time Iron Mike finishes on top in that particular comparison. His demons have been seen before; violent inner city upbringing without a male role model, violent relationships with women, violent temper in a violent profession, well, you get the idea. Underneath it all, you sense a desperation, a childlike desire to have a normal life, but a complete lack of understanding of the way to achieve it. Everything he ever had, he got because of his violent lifestyle. Now that his violence has been muted, he’s a lost soul.

Now, Jacko is another story. His upbringing was no less traumatic, a child star in an abusive household, denied his childhood by an ambitious and abusive father. But his mind splintered in a completely different direction. He funneled all of his considerable resources into capturing that lost childhood, trying to surround himself with young boys who worshipped him, warping his personal appearance, and transforming his ranch into a big kiddie theme park. He’s likely a pedophile, certainly a complete sociopath with absolutely no grasp of social conventions or adult interactions.

We have a rare opportunity as a country now. We have an angry, famously violent psychopath and a twisted, sociopathic pedophile, both self loathing, both looking for affirmation in a world that deems them both undesirable. We need to bring them together. In a ring. Bareknuckled. And let Mike Tyson wreak his vengeance on the world that has turned its back on him… in the form of Michael Jackson. Can you imagine it? It would be the real life equivalent of “Bambi meets Godzilla”. It would make millions, maybe enough to get Iron Mike out of debt. Call your local cable company NOW.

2 Comments:

At 9:25 AM, Blogger TripJax said...

quite a funny post man. i liked it. i'd do pay-per-view for that one...

 
At 8:47 AM, Anonymous Random reader - Steve said...

You're way off!! Jacko has spent more on his nose than the entire blogging community's combined lifetime poker earnings. He'd defend that thing like a tried and true prize fighter, going after a WBA belt. And he's got all this pent up frustration, from not "sharing his bed" with any 8 y.o. boys, as of late.

That is unless Iron Mike went straight for the kill, and bit the offending prostesis clear off Jacko's face. This would result in a crying pansy, cowering in the corner.

But I'd put my bankroll on Jacko for the win in 6, after the tatooed freak threw in the towel, because "I was just paying my bills. My heart isn't in it anymore"

 

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