Monday, September 25, 2006

Some quick Monday morning thoughts:

§ 49ers looked overmatched yesterday against the Iggles. The only player who didn’t look completely outclassed was Alex Smith… a good sign. He showed poise in the pocket, and good instincts and strength when he got out of it.

§ Can we stop handing the ball to Frank Gore inside the five?

§ Everyone needs to get off of Tom Lehman’s back about the Ryder Cup. When you lose by a 2-1 margin, it wasn’t the teaming for four-ball that killed you; it was LOFT. Lack of fucking talent.

§ The WSOP telecasts are highlighting some horrible poker play. It’s amazing how much it’s starting to look like the MansionPoker and UltimateBet push-fests. Even Norman Chad is spazzing out over the seemingly random all-ins. When even a know-nothing commentator complains about the level of play… that’s when you know you’ve jumped the shark,

§ Played some indifferent poker over the weekend. Remember that fifteen bucks I got from Empire a few weeks ago? That’s now over $400. I’d say that’s a good ROI.

§ E! network had an entertaining, but mis-ordered list of the most memorable moments from Saturday Night Live, first aired in 2004. They listed the top moment as the Wayne’s World sketch with Aerosmith. Hell, that wasn’t even the top Wayne’s World sketch. So here for my own edification, are the most memorable moments in SNL history.

10. Refrigerator repairman – Dan Aykroyd’s hairy butt crack in the nerd sketch fixing a Norge refrigerator. Astonishing to actually see a butt crack back in the 70’s. Groundbreaking (and unappetizing) stuff at the time.
9. Wayne’s World (tie) – Halloween and Biggest Babes of all Time – The Top Ten Halloween treats included “Hurl. No, seriously, there was this guy down the street who used to give out bags of his chunder.” Top Ten Babes of all Time included Nancy Kulp, Miss Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies, as “something to clear your palate, sort of a babe sorbet.”
8. Point/CounterPoint about Michelle Triola and Lee Marvin – “I guess what you ladies are saying is that while you’re on your backs, the meter’s running.” Dan Aykroyd’s rant should be part of every courtroom palimony case from now on.
7. Jesse Jackson reading “Green Eggs and Ham”. This showed me that Jesse is a great actor, capable of saying complete nonsense in a totally serious manner, kind of like he does every time he’s in front of a fucking camera.
6. Buckwheat is dead – Most have forgotten that this was intended to be a spoof of Nightline’s coverage of the Hinckley attempted murder of Reagan, full of repetitive video clips with Ted Koppel spouting “Let’s run that video again”. A couple of years later, they had a follow-up sketch showing that Alfalfa did it.
5. Olympic Synchronized swimming with Harry Shearer and an almost frighteningly retarded Martin Short. Seriously, watch this sketch and tell me whether you think Martin Short is a couple of chromosomes short of a full deck. Hysterical spoof of every “Up close and personal” vignette from the Olympics.
4. Joe Montana – OK, this is the one I least expect anyone else to recognize. But one of the last sketches of the show Montana hosted had Joe playing “The really nice guy”. The gist of this sketch was that he was a genuine sincere guy who really thought nice thoughts until his closing line “I think I’ll go upstairs and masturbate”. One of the hugest WTF- did-he-say? moments in my life.
3. The Sinatra Group – Phil Hartman as the Chairman sitting between Sinead O’Connor, the guy from 2LiveCrew, Steve & Eydie, and Billy Idol (played by Sting). “I got chunks of guys like you in my stool!”
2. Chippendales – Yeah, this had a high “Ugh” factor because of Chris Farley’s flapping flesh, but dammit, you remember it. And, for all his problems, Chris Farley was a spectacular physical comic, conveying pathos and slapstick at the same time.
1. The French Chef – Dan Aykroyd’s gory tribute to Julia Child takes the top prize. I was in my early teens when this originally aired, and it is one of the few times I can remember when I laughed until I was literally breathless. “Save the liver!”


At 11:29 AM, Blogger Donkeypuncher said...

My number one: Ebony and Ivory with Stevie Wonder (Eddie Murphy) and Frank Sinatra (Joe Piscopo)

Stevie Wonder: "I am dark, and you are light."

Frank Sinatra: "You are blind as a bat, and I have sight!
Side by side, you are my amigo,
Negro, let's not fiiiiiiiight!"


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